Wherever you go, there you are

So it has been 12 days since my last post. I am slacking. Blame midterms and papers, though, don't blame me :P 2 papers and a presentation and a midterm down, 4 midterms to go... (2 of which are this week)...

It's been... rocky... lately. Having second thoughts about my decisions to come here. I know that I'm supposed to be here right now for some reason, I am glad that I followed my gut and my heart, and I know that I am learning amazing lessons (academic and otherwise, some of which I probably won't be able to fully process and appreciate until later) and (when round one of exams is done) have the opportunity to travel around and explore... Knowing that is good. Sometimes the homesickness overpowers that knowing, though. The emotions (energy-in-motion as one of my favorite massage therapist teachers and friends would say) do like to flex their muscles and shove rationale by the wayside sometimes. Staying positive has been a daily task these past couple of weeks. I know, you say, "you're in Spain, how can you not be positive?" I would say that to me too - and I do say that to myself... I guess I'm just wondering how all the energy I built up before I came - positive, changing, moving up and forward and following your heart energy - has kind of settled (well, frankly, sunk) and I'm wondering how to stir it back up again to get some momentum again... I enjoy being here. I need to get out more and enjoy it more. I like nursing. The more I get into it, the more natural it feels for me to be doing. The program (the instruction and willingness to work with me - not the material) is disappointing me so far, which is frustrating, and I am terribly homesick (which I did not foresee... I knew I would be homesick but not this much)... So, there are good and frustrating things... just like any situation in any place with any one at any time. Hence, wherever you go, there you are...

When I am teetering on feeling totally blughy, I start to think of the things that I am grateful for or that make me laugh (thank you Shelah). Erin, Simone, Brian and I would do these... Brian's is the best so far: opposable thumbs. Other things - I walk to school in the morning at 8:00 when the sun is rising, the cafes are brewing their cafe con leche and the bakeries are baking their bread. Technology, especially email and Skype. FedEx. My family. My friends (whom I also consider to be my family). Rainy days in October when the weather is starting to turn. Summer days on the swing on the porch at our lakehouse. Acting goofy with anyone that will act goofy with me. Cornbread and summer tomatoes. Exploring hidden nooks and crannies of cities and towns. Aching cheeks from laughing super-hard. The fact that when melanin is produced in one type of skin cell (melanocyte) and engulfed by another type of skin cell (keratinocyte), the chemical shields the nucleus to protect us from getting our DNA fried and mutilated by UV rays... a minuscule biological parasol if you will. The smell of Catholic Church incense that I have only smelled here. Nutty Spanish game shows ("Metro", for example, where you go around the metro map and answer questions on each stop/line... and you earn more money on this one than on Spanish Jeopardy). Menus in restaurants geared towards the "American palate" with scrumptious items such as "New Orleans salad" with ketchup sauce and beans and god-knows-what-else...

Anyway, I have anatomy and theology to study for, so I need to get my booty movin' on that... Hopefully the next post will be more cohesive and a bit more on the upbeat side...

Love and hugs to all :) and happy happy start of fall :)